


In These Final Hours

by TeamDamon



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, But I promise a happy ending, Crying, Fix-It, M/M, Pining, as close to canon compliant as I’ll get with this, endgame spoilers, for the sexytimes, i tried to write it in earlier but it didn’t work lol, like allll the endgame spoilers, smut will come later, so much crying, so prob ch 5 or 6, sorry bout that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-02-16 10:24:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18689599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamDamon/pseuds/TeamDamon
Summary: Bucky tried to accept Steve’s decision, he really did. He loved Steve unconditionally and thought that so long as Steve was happy, so was he. But that’s the problem - he never was quite as selfless as Steve, and it turns out that he can’t start now.*DISCONTINUED* will delete soon





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers ahead!! Turn back if you have not seen Endgame! If you HAVE seen it and you love it as is, please do not read this and give me hell over it. This is one of two fix-its I’m writing and I have it half completed already and it’s been massively cathartic to write and I hope reading it will help those of us not fully satisfied with Endgame’s ending. Don’t like don’t read. That being said, thanks in advance to anyone who reads and I hope you guys like!

_ I can't make you love me if you don't _   
_You can't make your heart feel something that it won't_   
_Here in the dark_   
_In these final hours_   
_I will lay down my heart_   
_And I feel the power_   
_But you won't_   
_No, you won't_

 

“You got something against sleep or what?”

 

Bucky rolled his eyes and glanced over his shoulder towards Sam, who was leaning against the open doorway that led to the rooftop that Bucky was sitting on. They were staying at the tower with most of the other remaining Avengers while the destroyed compound was being rebuilt, which meant that Bucky had a room to himself that was bigger than any apartment he’d ever lived in. But all of that excess space and privacy didn’t do a damn thing to help him rest. Quite the opposite, in fact. 

 

“Look who’s talking,” Bucky retorted, turning his eyes back to the glittering lights of the city. 

 

“I’ve got a lot to do these days,” Sam shrugged, walking Bucky’s way. Then he sat down quietly on his left before adding, “Including taking care of my friends.”

 

“I’m fine,” Bucky insisted, just as he had multiple times over the last few weeks. 

 

“Look, I know you’re an expert at the whole dark and brooding thing so this is probably normal for you,” Sam teased, “but you’re not fine. You’re not sleeping and you look like crap. You know, more than usual.”

 

Bucky quirked a brow wryly. “Thanks.”

 

“I miss him too, you know,” Sam added gently. “You’re not the only one.”

 

Bucky looked down and nodded, jaw clenching at the mention of  him . “Yeah I know.”

 

“I’m always here to talk if you need to.”

 

Bucky glanced up and gave a small smile. “You _must_ feel  bad for me, bein’ this nice to me.”

 

“ Yeah,” Sam replied sincerely, “I do.”

 

Bucky’s smile faded and he looked away again. “It’s fine. I’m happy for him.”

 

“Yeah that’s what you say. Your face says otherwise.”

 

Bucky shook his head. “No, I really am happy for him. Kinda friend would I be if I resented him for getting to have the life he always wanted?”

 

“A human one,” Sam shrugged. “It’s a complicated situation. Especially for you. Whatever you’re feeling, good or bad or everything in between... it’s valid. I wanna make sure you know that.”

 

Bucky took a deep breath and let it out. “Thanks, Sam.”

 

Sam gave Bucky’s shoulder a light pat. “Anytime.”

 

“It’s just...” Bucky looked up and shook his head, staring at the stars that were visible despite the city’s brightness. “I loved him.”

 

“Yeah, so did I.”

 

Bucky turned and looked Sam in the eye, a little teary and flushed from the words about to leave his lips. “No, Sam.. _._ _ I loved him .” _

 

Slowly, realization dawned on Sam’s face. “Oh,” he blinked. “Shit, man, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

 

“Neither did he,” Bucky laughed humorlessly. “I was gonna tell him. When we woke up, when the fight was over. I had it all figured it out in my head how I was gonna say it. Then he sat down and told me he wanted to talk about something, and then I just... I couldn’t. Couldn’t do that to him. He wanted another chance with Carter and... he deserves it. I know he doesn’t love me like he loves her. I’ve always known that.” He wiped at his eyes. “Just sucks.”

 

“Damn. I don’t know what to say,” Sam frowned. 

 

Bucky shrugged. “Nothing to say. It’s over and done with. He made his choices. Now I just gotta figure out mine.”

 

“You will,” Sam replied with all the conviction that Bucky lacked. “You still got a whole life ahead of you. And you’re free now. You can do anything that you wanna do.”

 

Bucky knew that Sam meant well, but the problem was those words rang terribly hollow in Steve’s absence. It wasn’t that Bucky had no life outside of Steve, but he just simply had never known a world without him. He wasn’t so sure that he wanted to, but now he had no choice. He’d move on, he knew, he’d be fine eventually. But it would never stop hurting, and nobody would ever fill the massive gaping hole in his heart that only Steve could occupy. 

 

“Try to get some sleep, okay?” Sam said, accurately sensing that Bucky was done talking for now. He gave his shoulder another gentle touch and stood, adding, “You’ll have plenty of time to mope tomorrow.”

 

Bucky snorted and nodded, telling Sam goodnight as he walked away. Once Bucky was alone again, he drew up his knees and wrapped his arms around them, swallowing hard and letting another tear fall from his eye. He was sick of crying, sick of feeling the way that he did, but he didn’t know how to stop. He couldn’t turn it off, couldn’t flip a switch and suddenly feel okay again. He just had to grieve and let the emotions run their course, hopefully coming out the other side in one piece. 

 

He just missed him, dammit. He’d miss him until the day his heart stopped beating, and he’d still miss him long after that. The world might change and people might change and even time, apparently, could change, but Bucky’s love for Steve never would. 

 

—-

 

Over the next few weeks, Bucky made it his personal mission to stay as busy as humanly possible. This meant helping to assist rebuilding efforts at the compound, volunteering at the tower wherever he could, and participating in the extensive training drills that Sam started running with the new team. But no how hard he worked and how hard he tried to ignore the despair within, it seemed to only grow worse and worse and enter a new phase as the days passed: anger. 

 

It began after a conversation with Wanda, whom Bucky knew was suffering worse than he was since the love of her life was one of the few fallen to not be brought back. She seemed to already know the nature of Bucky’s love for Steve somehow, though it didn’t surprise him considering she seemed more in tune with the world around her than anyone he knew, and she told him herself that Steve’s departure simply wasn’t fair. She missed him too, and she had lost as much as he had in a shorter amount of time. She couldn’t go back. She didn’t begrudge him his choice, exactly, but she made no effort to hide her displeasure with it. And she seemed to find it particularly unfair to Bucky. 

 

At some point that night as Bucky struggled to sleep, he decided that maybe she was right. Maybe it wasn’t fair. Maybe he _should_ be  pissed. Maybe he shouldn’t have let Steve go without a fight. Maybe he should have told him that he was being selfish and that after all they’d been through together, Steve leaving him apparently forever for Peggy was bullshit, because it was. 

 

Bucky tried to put himself in Steve’s shoes and imagine what he’d have chosen in his position, but ultimately it was useless. He knew he couldn’t compare because Steve wasn’t hopelessly in love with Bucky the way that Bucky was in love with him. Bucky would never leave him for anybody. He’d rip time in half with his bare hands to find his way back to Steve - voluntarily leaving him for the sake of literally anybody else was simply unfathomable. 

 

And that only pissed him off more. 

 

He took out his aggression in the tower gym, demolishing punching bags under his fists while blasting music in his ears that mirrored his mood (courtesy of the spider kid - Peter Parker was very passionate about getting Bucky up to date with pop culture for some reason). The music was sort of terrible but that made it all the more fitting and fueled the fury in his veins. 

 

_I’m with you to the end of the line_ _,_ Steve had said. Those words had been what triggered Bucky’s winter soldier programming to finally fail, but they felt like little more than ajoke now.  _Guess the end of the line came sooner than I realized_ , he thought to himself before sending another bag flying across the gym, as broken as the last three he’d gone through that morning alone. 

 

Bucky had followed Steve back into the thick of the war even after everything Hydra had done to him as a POW. He had “died” serving alongside Steve and was captured and forged into a lethal, mindless weapon as a result. Then decades later, when fate brought them back together, he had continued to fight alongside Steve and support him in every way that he possibly could, even when it meant dragging himself into fights that he wanted no part in. And despite it all, despite thinking all those years that the devotion was mutual... now Bucky was alone and Steve wasn’t. Steve was gone, for good, and Bucky just... had to deal. 

 

And that was some fuckin’ bullshit if Bucky had ever heard any. 

 

As a result of Bucky’s new and overly emotional workout regimen, he managed to throw off something in his metal arm that left his nerves feeling pinched. He headed to Bruce’s lab to get the arm scanned and sent off to Shuri for a diagnostic, and he was hoping a chat with the doctor would get Steve off his mind. 

 

It didn’t. 

 

“He talked about you a lot,” Bruce told him as he gently examined the prosthesis, his massive green hands somehow more delicate than most normal sized ones that Bucky had dealt with. “Ever since he found out you were alive. I missed a lot after Ultron but I’ve always known how important you are to him.”

 

Bucky clenched his jaw, not replying and simply wishing people would start talking to him about literally anything other than Steve for once. 

 

“And for what it’s worth, had I been here for the whole mess with the Accords, I’d have been on your side,” Bruce added with a small smile.

 

Bucky managed to return one of his own. “Thanks. I never meant to get in the middle of all that. Still don’t think I was worth the mess.”

 

“Well, we all know Steve would disagree with you there. He’d do anything for you.”

 

This time Bucky couldn’t help but visibly wince. He turned away, eyes suddenly threatening to burn with tears, and then he heard Bruce sigh and say, “Aw, man I’m - I’m sorry. You’re probably having a hard time with him leaving, and I just... sorry, pal.”

 

Bucky took a deep breath and shrugged. “It’s fine.”

 

Bruce, scan and exam now finished, paused and gestured vaguely before taking off his glasses. “You know, time travel’s not what we thought it was. It’s both... simpler and more complicated. Steve’s not necessarily gone forever. He could come back tomorrow for all we know.”

 

“But he was old,” Bucky replied. “He’d lived his entire life already.”

 

“And when we time travelled some of us went decades in the past but we were only gone for five seconds in the present time,” Bruce replied, eyes traveling to the locked-down case across the lab that housed the quantum bracelets and a few tubes of Pym particles. Bucky glanced there and back once Bruce added, “As long as Steve gets his hands on more particles, he can go anywhere he wants, and visit whoever he wants. I’m sure he will. I know he will.”

 

Bucky pursed his lips and nodded, finding no comfort in those words but appreciating the effort nonetheless. “Yeah. Can you let me know what Shuri says about the arm?”

 

“Of course. I’ll give you a call as soon as I hear from her.”

 

“Thanks Doc,” Bucky said as he hopped off the table, hands sliding into his pockets as he made for the exit. He eyed the case with the quantum equipment on his way out, hating it for taking Steve from him even though he himself and half the universe would still be dead without it. 

 

Guess love-hate relationships were just the way things went these days, he thought. He liked things better when they were simple, when good was good and bad was bad and he was just Bucky and he had Steve. 

 

But those days were over, and he didn’t know what the hell had taken their place. He was starting to not particularly care, either. 

 

—

 

Later that night, Bucky ripped out the earbuds he’d been wearing with his metal hand and wiped at his damp eyes with his other, lying in bed and crying yet again thanks to a song that was part of Peter’s “songs to be emo af to” playlist. He’d never heard it before but it had touched him in his very bones, putting to melody things he had felt for years and kept entirely to himself. He grabbed his phone and checked the title -  _I Can’t Make You Love Me_ \- and then groaned as he set the device aside, staring up at the ceiling and wondering when he turned into this...  person . 

 

The world feared the infamous, lethal winter soldier and yet here he was curled up in bed and crying over sad love songs as he wallowed in his sadness over losing his great unrequited love. He needed to get a fuckin’ grip and get over it but he had no idea how, especially not when he seemed to walk around with a neon sign stuck to his head exclaiming  _hi! talk to me about nothing but Steve Rogers!_

 

He pulled the gray, expensive but generic comforter up and over his face, wondering how long he could stay in bed and be ridiculous before Sam came and physically dragged him out. Probably not more than a day or two and that was if he was lucky. Much more of this and Sam might start resorting to drastic measures, unthinkable things, like... setting Bucky up on  _dates_ . 

 

He shuddered at the mere thought. He couldn’t physically imagine himself dating like a normal person, going out there and meeting new people and trying to get laid. Even if the person didn’t recognize him there was the metal arm to deal with, and if they got past that, well, that would just be the tip of the iceberg that dating Bucky Barnes presented. It was exhausting to just think about, let alone actually try. 

 

He could just stay single forever, he supposed. No harm in that. Not everybody needed romance or sex to be happy. He certainly hadn’t indulged in either in longer than he cared to calculate. It wouldn’t be so bad, really. He couldn’t have the person he wanted, anyway. Unlike Steve, he couldn’t just slap on a fancy science bracelet and waltz his way to different decade and reclaim the love of his life. 

 

Suddenly, Bucky’s eyes popped open. 

 

He couldn’t just slap on a fancy science bracelet and time travel for self serving purposes... but Steve could, apparently, and nobody had dared to object to that. It wasn’t like anyone could have stopped him, either. He had the tools to go where he wanted and he answered only to himself. 

 

Bucky recalled the case with all the quantum equipment in Banner’s lab, some 20 floors south of where he currently was, just sitting there unused. 

 

He couldn’t. It was impossible. He just... he couldn’t. 

 

.... _Could_ he? 

 

He blinked several times and furrowed his brows.  _Oh God_.

 

He actually  could . H e  just needed a bit of help to get his hands on that equipment because there was no way in hell Banner would let him. 

 

He sat up in the bed, pushing his unruly dark locks behind his ears and trying to think through the mechanics of his harebrained idea. He stared off into space, recalling everything he’d been told about quantum time travel and how it worked, how Steve had described it to him, and one other particular detail that Steve had shared. Bucky was no scientist and it all sounded beyond weird and crazy, but if what everything he’d been told was correct - and all indications were that it was - then... well... his idea might just work. 

 

And he knew just who to ask for help. 

 

—

 

“No.”

 

Bucky’s face fell. “But Wanda -“

 

“No, Bucky,” she shook her head, turning around to tend to the tea that she was brewing. “That’s a recipe for disaster.”

 

“I don’t think it is. Worst case scenario I can just... put him back, you know?”

 

She turned back around and raised her brows. “You’re crazy, you know that?”

 

“Probably,” he conceded. “But I don’t care. I really fuckin’ don’t. Wanda listen to me -“

 

“No, listen to  me ,” she retorted, tea forgotten for now. “I know it’s not fair. I know you’re sad and you miss him. I do too. But we’ve all lost people and some of them are just... gone. At least Steve’s alive and happy, wherever he is. We just have to accept it and move on.”

 

Her eyes filled with tears and her voice began to shake as she neared the end of those words, her grief for Vision painfully clear and etched into her very features. Bucky was quiet for a few long, silent moments, and when he finally spoke again his voice was heavy with emotion, too. 

 

“I know. And I know I’m being stupid. I know I need to move on and get a life. But I... I don’t know how. I don’t know why it’s fair that Steve gets to go back and get everything he wanted and leave me behind, but I just have to sit here and deal with it.”

 

“It’s not,” she shrugged. “It’s not fair. Nothing ever is.”

 

Bucky chewed on his lip, shaking his head and muttering quietly, “I just want a chance. Just one chance, that’s all. And if it screws a bunch of shit up then I’ll fix it, but I don’t think it will. I just need your help to get the damn equipment.”

 

She sighed and leaned back against the counter, arms crossed. “You’re asking for a lot with nothing in return.”

 

Bucky shrugged and gave a small smile. “I’ll... owe you the world’s biggest favor? Anything you want. C’mon Wanda. Please?”

 

She stared at him for a moment or two, probably calculating the likelihood of getting potentially Hulk-smashed as a result of burglarizing his lab. “Tell me your ridiculous plan again?”

 

Bucky drew a deep breath, a wave of encouragement filling up his sails. “So when Steve and the others went back to 2012, apparently Loki grabbed the Tesseract and disappeared, so now that timeline’s all fucked up. Steve also fought himself - his younger self - and told him I was alive to distract him long enough to knock him out.”

 

“And you think since this timeline is already, as you say, all fucked up,” Wanda surmised, “it won’t be a big deal to find  that Steve and bring him here.”

 

“Right. Well,” he quickly amended, “I don’t know. Obviously there would be consequences of some kind.”

 

“And this doesn’t concern you? What if that entire timeline is compromised because he’s gone, even temporarily? You have no idea what you’re messing with.”

 

“No, no I fucking don’t but neither did Steve,” Bucky argued. “And that didn’t stop him. I know it’s reckless and selfish and frankly I don’t give a shit because obviously Steve didn’t either.”

 

Wanda drew a long, cleansing breath, eyeing Bucky gently but also like she saw right through him. “And when you bring this other Steve here... what’s your plan? Are you going to tell him how you feel?”

 

Bucky’s eyes flashed to hers, confused. “I don’t -“

 

She rolled her eyes. “Do you have any idea how  loud your thoughts are?”

 

He blinked. “ _What_?”

 

“I’ve never tried to read you, but sometimes you give me no choice,” she chuckled. “I  know , Bucky.”

 

He flushed with embarrassment, not even wanting to know what his “loud thoughts” meant or what she’d heard or seen from his mind. 

 

“I also know,” she added before he could reply, “that if there was any way for me to get Vision back safely... that I would try. But I can’t. I wish I could, but I’ve already thought it all through and... it just... isn’t possible, I don’t think.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Bucky told her softly, and he meant it. 

 

She met his sympathetic gaze and managed a small, watery smile along with a nod. “So am I.” A beat passed, and then she tilted her head curiously. “So... you need the bracelet and the Pym particles, yes?”

 

He nodded. “Two bracelets, four of the particles.”

 

“Do you have any actual idea what you’re doing or are you just winging it?”

 

“.... Winging it, mostly.”

 

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You owe me, Barnes.”

 

Bucky grinned and pulled her into a big, warm hug, hardly able to believe that this was actually happening and that he was really gonna do this. 

 

God help him.

 

“I sure fuckin’ do.”

 

—

 

_2012, morning after the Battle of New York_

 

Steve dried off his freshly shaved face and looked at his reflection, eyeing the bruises that were already mostly healed. He frowned as he looked away, furrowing his brows and wondering for about the ten thousandth time what the hell happened yesterday. 

 

“ _Bucky is alive.”_

 

It was preposterous, of course. Bucky wasn’t alive, couldn’t be alive. Steve had watched him fall, and nobody could survive a drop of that magnitude except maybe Thor. It was obviously just a lie to distract him mid-fight, and it had worked. Just another one of Loki’s meaningless tricks. 

 

And yet, no matter how hard Steve tried, he couldn’t convince himself that it had actually been Loki. Loki wouldn’t have had that compass. He wouldn’t have known about Bucky. But if it wasn’t Loki, then who the hell had it been? It couldn’t possibly have  actually been - 

 

The sudden, cool press of a blade to Steve’s bare throat shocked him out of his thoughts and back into the present, his eyes flying up to the mirror and finding a dark masked figure holding him at knifepoint. 

 

“Don’t. Move.”

 

Steve didn’t. The figure then grabbed Steve’s left arm and shoved a strange looking object on his wrist, pushed some buttons on it and muttered, “Hang on.”

 

Then Steve screamed as he shrunk down to an utterly impossible size and was plunged through space and time. 

 

When he found his feet again, Steve’s scream was cut off by a deep gasp of fresh air. He opened his eyes and looked around, feeling like he’d just been ripped apart and stitched back together again, dizzier than he’d ever felt in his life, breathing fast and hard and adrenaline at an all-time high. He was on the roof of Stark Tower, recognizing Tony’s landing zone just before his eyes shot to his attacker - masked, wearing all black, sheathing his knife and holding out his gloved hands in a “calm down” sort of gesture. 

 

“Steve -“

 

He struck out before the attacker could get another word out. The man dodged the blow but Steve threw another punch that caught him in the side, knocking the wind out of him, but then the next thing Steve knew he was down on his back on the roof and the man had Steve’s arm pinned under his boot. 

 

“Stop it and listen to me, Steve, I’m -“

 

A blow to the man’s knee and Steve’s arm was freed, allowing him to flip them and regain the upper hand. They traded jabs and rolled a few more times but Steve stayed on top, finally managing to keep his attacker still long enough to reach down and rip off the mask on his face. Once it was off, Steve’s expression shifted from angry to confused to disbelieving, and finally to horrified shock. 

 

“....  _Bucky_? ”

 

The man - he had Bucky’s face, every last detail of it, but he was different. His hair was much longer than Bucky’s had been, his features more mature, and a thick beard covered his sharp jawline. But his gray-blue eyes were the same, and when he opened his mouth, it was Bucky’s voice that came out

 

“Yeah,” he sighed, breathing hard from their fight. “Yeah, Steve. It’s me.”

 

Steve went pale as if he was seeing a ghost, because he  _was_. He stared with his mouth hanging open, vaguely hearing a mechanical wooshing sound descend over his head but not even registering it, too lost in the sheer shock and disbelief that he felt as he stared at the man wearing his dead best friend’s face. 

 

Then the man glanced over and groaned a low, “Ah, shit.” Steve followed his gaze to a dark skinned man he’d never seen before, metal wings folding up into the back of the suit he was wearing as he stared with wide eyes at the sight before him. 

 

“Barnes,” the man said as he stared at Steve with almost as much confusion as Steve felt, “what the _hell_ did you do?”

 

“Little help here, Sam?”

 

“Sam” rolled his eyes and began walking their way. “I swear to God, Barnes, sometimes I really do hate you.”

 

Then he knocked Steve unconscious with a single well-placed punch. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all your comments and kudos!! I kinda just started writing this out of nowhere with minimal planning and I’m just winging it so fingers crossed that it doesn’t turn out terrible in the end lol :) I’m glad you guys like it so far and I’m gonna do my best to keep it that way!! Thank you guys so much!! And thank you to MorningGlory2 for reading every word I write and encouraging me and listening to all of my annoying af post endgame rambles :D lyrics from Girl Crush by Little Big Town (but I prefer the Harry Styles cover)

_ I don't get no sleep _   
_I don't get no peace_   
_Thinking about her_   
_Under your bed sheets_   
_The way that she's whispering_   
_The way that she's pulling you in_   
_Lord knows I've tried,_   
_I can't get her off my mind_

 

The first time that Steve had woken up in the wrong year, it had been to the muffled sounds of an old baseball game playing on the radio. The second time he woke up in the wrong year, it was to the sound of his dead best friend arguing with people he didn’t know and one whom he did... sort of. 

 

“I can’t believe you pulled this shit, Barnes. And what the hell, Wanda? You helped him?!”

 

“It’s a long story.”

 

“Listen, guys...” 

 

_ Was that Banner ? _

 

“This is... not good. Bucky, I know you miss him but this Steve isn’t _our_ Steve. He belongs in his own timeline. The consequences of this could be devastating to that particular reality.”

 

Then there was Bucky’s voice again. “So I guess every reality and timeline is more important than this one, huh? Just fuck us, right? Or fuck  _me_ in  particular?”

 

“Do you have to be such a drama queen?”

 

“Bite me, Sam.”

 

“He’s awake.”

 

A woman with a soft Eastern European accent uttered those last words. Steve was indeed awake and struggling to move, strapped down to a reinforced hospital bed in the tower’s medical wing by what appeared to be vibranium restraints. He stopped struggling when four people entered his line of vision - the man claiming to be Bucky, a man Steve had deduced was Sam, a pretty woman with light auburn hair, and... Banner, or at least some strange form of him that Steve had never seen before. 

 

Steve gritted his teeth, words coming out in a near-growl. “Somebody tell me what the  _fuck_ is  going on.”

 

Banner nodded. “Hey, Steve. I’m sorry about all of this. It shouldn’t have happened.”

 

“What _did_ happen ?” Steve demanded. 

 

“You time travelled,” Banner replied. “You’re in 2023, in a different timeline from the one you know.”

 

“Time travel?” Steve repeated, dumbfounded. “How?”

 

Sam gestured to Bucky. “We have the technology to do it. He decided to grab you and bring you here because he’s an idiot.”

 

Bucky’s frown deepened and he tightened his arms crossed over his chest. 

 

“I’m sorry about the restraints,” Banner added. “We weren’t sure what kind of mental state you’d be in when you woke up. I can remove them now.”

 

Steve nodded and blinked, confused as all hell but not feeling like he was in danger at all. He watched as Banner - some strange mixture of his normal, scientist self and the big green guy within - carefully undid all the restraints before offering Steve a hand to help him sit up in the bed. Steve offered a murmured thanks and looked around, head spinning and having no idea where to even start. “2023?”

 

“I know it’s a lot to take in,” Banner said, taking a seat on a large stool next to the bed. “But we really gotta get you back to where you belong.”

 

“Where I - 2012?” Steve asked. 

 

“Yeah. Your timeline’s been compromised enough already and without you there -“

 

“No,” Steve immediately interrupted. “No, I’m not going anywhere until I have answers.”

 

“And I’m perfectly willing to explain time travel to you but -“

 

“No, not about that,” Steve said, eyes moving back to Bucky. “I need to know if that’s really Bucky and how he’s alive if it is.”

 

Bucky’s heart ached at those words. Sam and Banner shared a look, and the woman looked around before interjecting, “I think they need some time alone, guys. We should go.”

 

Bucky looked at her, and she gave him a small, subtly knowing smile. Bucky clenched his jaw and stood there with his eyes cast down as the others reluctantly agreed, filing out of the room. Sam made sure to glare at Bucky on his way out. 

 

Once they were alone, Bucky finally met Steve’s gaze again. “Want some coffee?”

 

—

 

Bucky brought Steve back to his room and brewed them a pot of coffee, wondering how the hell he was gonna explain all of this. He was slightly ashamed to admit that he hadn’t thought this far - a part of him hadn’t really thought that it would work, that he wouldn’t manage to bring Steve to 2023 at all. But he had, and now he had to deal with the consequences of that, and... well... he didn’t know what the hell he was doing. 

 

Guilt set in once Steve was holding a steaming mug and Bucky noticed the tremble in his hands as he sat next to him on a leather couch. It was then that it dawned fully on Bucky what he had done, what he had done to Steve, and his heart dropped into his stomach as he realized just how badly he’d fucked up. 

 

He’d been selfish and stupid and he couldn’t undo it. He’d hurt Steve - this poor, unsuspecting, utterly bewildered Steve - and he didn’t even have a good reason for it. 

 

Steve caught Bucky staring at him, and when their eyes met that ache in Bucky’s chest returned tenfold. Steve looked him over slowly, seeming to take in every last detail that he could, and he spoke only when his eyes had made his way back to Bucky’s. “I watched you die.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Then how? How are you here?”

 

Bucky then took a deep breath and decided to start at the beginning. He told Steve everything from the serum that Hydra had given him Azzano to how SHIELD had been infiltrated by them from the start. He told Steve how he had been torn apart and put back together until he had become the winter soldier, and how Steve had found him in 2014 and broke through his programming with a single sentence. He left the story there for the time being, knowing that Steve could only handle so much and he was already overwhelmed with just that portion of the story. 

 

Steve was in tears and had been since Bucky had told him the part where Hydra captured him again. “My God, Buck,” he whispered, staring at Bucky in horror and pain. “You... oh my God.”

 

“I know,” Bucky replied softly, looking away. He hated seeing that look on Steve’s face. It brought back the shame and the guilt over his actions as the soldier all over again. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Steve told him sincerely, unable to take his eyes off of him. “I should have gone back for you, I should have found you. I should have -“

 

Bucky shook his head. “There was no way you could have known, Steve. Even with a serum, surviving that fall was... they barely brought me back.” He paused, expression softening as he gazed at Steve. “And you _did_ save  me.”

 

Steve’s brows furrowed, still trying to process all of the bizarre and heart wrenching information being dropped on him. “Not soon enough.” He paused and then looked back up at Bucky. “What happened after that?”

 

“A lot,” Bucky admitted. “Steve, I... I shouldn’t have done this. Bringing you here was stupid and fucked up and I know this is too much for you to process all at once. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have -“

 

“No, no, Buck,” Steve breathed, eyes growing watery as he reached out and touched Bucky’s shoulder. “You’re alive.  You’re _alive_ and  I had no idea.  Loki told me you were to distract me during a fight but -“

 

“That wasn’t Loki,” Bucky grinned. “That was you, from this year.”

 

Steve’s face grew even more confused, the poor man. “ What ?”

 

“How do you think I knew where to find you?” Bucky asked through a tight smile. “Suffice it to say, some real fucked up shit happened and the only way for you and the team to fix it was to go back in time. And it worked. We won. You just had some hiccups along the way.”

 

Steve, more than a little dazed, smiled and shook his head. “Listen, I’m not gonna pretend that I understand any of this or that I can even begin to comprehend what the hell is going on, but... you’re here, you’re alive,” he said with absolute wonder, touching Bucky’s face as if to make sure that he was real. He stared into Bucky’s eyes and all Bucky saw in his was pure happiness. “ Buck ...”

 

Then Bucky was being pulled into a massive, bone crushing hug, the kind they hadn’t gotten to have during their first reunion. Steve clung to him like he was terrified that Bucky would disappear any second, and Bucky hung on just as tightly, afraid of the same thing. Tears burned the back of his eyes as they held on to each other, and he made no effort to hide them when they pulled apart. Thankfully, Steve’s eyes weren’t exactly dry either. 

 

“Your hair,” Steve laughed, tugging on a stray lock. “Does future you not like haircuts?”

 

“I guess not,” Bucky laughed back. “But I don’t think you have room to talk there, pal.”

 

“What? What’s wrong with my hair?”

 

Bucky simply shook his head. “Nothin’. C’mere,” he murmured, pulling Steve back into another long, indulgent embrace. 

 

He loved this man so much. So, _so_ much. He didn’t want to ever let him go, didn’t want that moment to ever end, just wanted to hold on tight and keep them both there forever. 

 

But he couldn’t. He also knew, deep down, that this particular Steve couldn’t stay. Eventually he’d have to say goodbye again and...  fuck this had been a mistake. 

 

But for the time being Bucky sniffed back his tears and kept his emotions in check. He was gonna make the most out of this stolen time with Steve, however long or short that time ended up being, and he wasn’t gonna let anything get in the way of that. 

 

As Steve drew away, he patted the back of Bucky’s left shoulder and furrowed his brows in slight confusion. Bucky realized he was still wearing gloves and that Steve didn’t know about his arm yet. 

 

“Oh. Um,” he began a bit awkwardly, “I uh... when I fell, I lost my arm. Hydra put a metal one on me. But this one,” he pulled off his glove to show Steve the sleek, beautifully intricate vibranium prosthesis, “I got from Wakanda.”

 

Steve blinked. “Where?”

 

Bucky chuckled. “Shit. I really do have a lot to catch you up on.”

 

“Well... I’m used to that,” Steve shrugged. Then he reached for Bucky’s hand, gently touching the metal and marveling at it. “Wow.”

 

“Yeah, I like this one,” Bucky agreed, flexing his fingers. They fell into a comfortable silence that lasted a few moments, broken by a question that Bucky hadn’t see coming. 

 

“Am I dead?” Steve asked without meeting Bucky’s eyes. “Is that why you brought me here? Because I... because the _me_ here  died?”

 

“No,” Bucky quickly assured him. “God, no. Nothing like that.”

 

Steve nodded, eyes flickering up. “Then where am I?”

 

Bucky bit his lip, stomach knotting painfully at the question. “You just... you’re busy right now. Somewhere else.” He looked away. “I missed you.”

 

“You don’t wanna tell me,” Steve surmised. 

 

“Don’t wanna put the idea in your head,” Bucky confessed. It would just figure, if that’s how it turned out. Why would this Steve be any different? He’d always choose Peggy at the end of the day. He’d proven that.

 

“Whatever I did... I’m sorry,” Steve replied softly. “I can’t imagine leaving you.”

 

Bucky tried not to wince but he did, just a little bit. “Yeah, well. You just found out I’m alive so it’s new and... exciting and all that. But I guess later on I became old news or something.”

 

Steve furrowed his brows, aghast at the mere thought. “Jesus, Buck. What the fuck did I do?”

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Bucky shook his head. “You hungry?”

 

Steve blinked at the sudden change of subject. “I -“

 

“Come on,” Bucky said, getting up and leaving no room for argument. “It’s lunch time and I’m sure you’re starving.”

 

Steve followed reluctantly, and Bucky was grateful that he decided to leave the issue alone for the time being. It was the elephant in the room but he was determined to ignore it as long as possible, unwilling to lose Steve again until he absolutely had to. 

 

And he knew he would. It was inevitable. But he was sure gonna fight like hell to hold it off until then. 

 

—

 

Over the rest of the day, Steve met the rest of the team and was gently brought up to speed on their timeline’s events. Bucky was present for it but kept his distance, his guilt growing worse and worse with each new terrible thing that Steve learned. The Accords, Peggy’s death, the Decimation, the aftermath, and the time travel shenanigans that brought everyone back... and the Avengers they lost along the way. 

 

It was too much for one man to process in one day, but Steve was stubborn and didn’t give anyone a choice. By the end of it all he was sitting on a bench outside, brows furrowed and expression unfathomably heavy as he took some time alone to digest all that he’d learned. 

 

“It’s not right,” Sam told Bucky as they watched from a distance, from the tower’s ground floor behind a full length window. “He shouldn’t be here.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You fucked up.”

 

Bucky clenched his jaw. “I know.”

 

Sam turned to him and raised his arms to let them drop. “What, that’s it?”

 

“What do you want me to say?” Bucky muttered through gritted teeth, eyes fixed on Steve. 

 

“I don’t know, man, but look at this guy,” Sam gestured to Steve. “He just came out of the ice, what, five months ago? Maybe? And now he’s gotta deal with another decade’s worth of bullshit but from the future this time? Did you think this through at all, Barnes? You’re his best friend and you didn’t stop to think what this might do to him to come here and -“

 

Bucky finally turned to Sam, eyes shimmering with tears he wouldn’t let himself shed. “Did he ever stop to think what it might do to me to leave?” When Sam had no answer for that, Bucky raised his brows. “Huh? Did he, Sam?”

 

“I wouldn’t know, would I?” Sam snapped. “He didn’t fuckin’ talk to me, did he?”

 

Bucky’s irritation at Sam drained out of him at those words. Bucky grimaced and turned around, leaning against the window and sliding down to the floor. Sam quietly sat down next to him, the two men lost in silence until Bucky broke it. 

 

“Guess he kinda fucked us both over.”

 

“I’ve been trying not to think about it like that,” Sam sighed. “I’m glad he’s happy. He had every right to make his own choices and choose his own happiness for once. And he gave me the shield. I’m grateful. More than I can say.”

 

Bucky shrugged lightly. “Still should have talked to you first. I told him to.”

 

Sam was quiet for a moment. “Do you think everything... Thanos, those five years... you think it changed him?”

 

“How could it not?” Bucky replied, tone flat and resigned. “He’s human.”

 

“Yeah. Guess I just... I don’t know, man,” Sam admitted. “Just felt kind of... blindsided.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Bucky mused. He was pretty sure that they both deserved better from their friend, but he couldn’t be sure if it was his grief and heartbreak talking. He hoped he’d be able to make peace with it one day and let go of his anger at Steve, but everything was too raw and too painful right now to even entertain the possibility. 

 

A few quiet moments passed before Sam sniffed and muttered, “Well... regardless of what’s happened...  _this_   Steve really needs to go home.”

 

“I know,” Bucky grumbled. He’d known from the minute he brought Steve to the present that he’d made a mistake. 

 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Bucky and Sam looked up to find Steve standing in front of them, expression far more resolute and firm than either of them expected. They got to their feet and Sam replied, “Listen, Steve, _your_ reality  needs you.”

 

“I know,” Steve nodded. “But I think this happened for a reason. Now that I know what happened here, I can stop it from happening there. But I need time to figure it all out, and I need to come up with a plan.”

 

Sam and Bucky exchanged looks, unspoken words passing between them before they came to a silent agreement. “Okay,” Sam nodded. 

 

Steve paused, eyes moving to Bucky and softening. “But I need your help with something first. Both of you.” He swallowed, jaw clenching. “I wanna save Bucky -  _my_   Bucky - from Hydra first.”

 

“ Look,” Sam began, “I get it, I really do, but you might wanna let things play out the way they’re supposed to. When you start screwing with time -“

 

“Not an option,” Steve interrupted, leaving no room for argument. “I can’t go back there and live my life knowing Bucky’s being tortured every day. I’m gonna get him out with or without your help.”

 

Bucky’s lips quirked into a small smile and he looked down. _There_ was  the Steve he knew and loved, that reckless idiot who moved mountains for him even though Bucky knew damn well he wasn’t worth it. 

 

Sam rolled his eyes and took a moment to glare at Bucky and make his displeasure at the current events more than well known, just in case Bucky needed that extra bit of confirmation that Sam was, in fact, pissed. Then he turned to back to Steve and sighed. 

 

“Fine. When do we start?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans go terribly awry when Bucky and Steve head to 2012 to rescue that timeline’s Winter Soldier, and as usual... Bucky blames himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so SO much for your feedback and kudos!! Omg it’s been much more than I expected, thank you all so much!! Hope you guys like this chapter, 3 more to go after this! Thank you to MorningGlory2 as always for her invaluable help and support!!

_ So close to reaching _

_ That famous happy end _

_ Almost believing _

_ This one's not pretend _

_ And now you're beside me, _

_ And look how far we've come _

_ So far we are  _

_ So close _

 

“You don’t look very confident in this plan,” Wanda pointed out, watching Bruce calibrate the quantum machine. 

 

“That would be because I’m not,” he admitted quietly, keeping his voice down so the others wouldn’t hear. “All this meddling in other realities and jumping back and forth... feel like we’re opening a can of worms we might not be able to close back up.”

 

“Then why are you helping them?” she asked, gesturing to Steve, Sam and Bucky as they adjusted their quantum bracelets and stepped up to the platform. 

 

“Well... Barnes already opened the can,” Bruce pointed out. “For better or worse, now we gotta try to give this Steve and his reality a hand.”

 

Wanda pondered that, watching as Bruce then called out, “All right guys, ready?”

 

“As I’ll ever be,” Sam replied, suited up and ready to take his first adventure through time. Bucky nodded, a little more accustomed to time being a fucked up and non-linear thing, and Steve adjusted his hold on his shield - Sam’s shield, actually. He’d been generous enough to loan it to Steve for the time being, with the caveat that if he messed it up on the mission, Steve would owe him one from his timeline. 

 

“All right, now remember - keep your heads down, get in and out with Barnes. The _other_ Barnes. We’ll deal with Hydra and all of that later. Stick to the mission, okay?”

 

“Got it,” Steve nodded. He glanced at Bucky and then the quantum helmet covered his head, and Bucky followed suit. 

 

“Okay. Good luck, guys. Going quantum in 3... 2... 1.”

 

Then all three men disappeared before Wanda’s eyes. She kept her eyes on the platform as Bruce began counting down from five, and when he reached one, the men returned just as quickly as they’d vanished. But it was clear from the first moment they appeared that something had gone terribly, tragically wrong. 

 

Steve fell to his knees instantly, like he couldn’t physically stand. Sam appeared uninjured but worried, and Bucky... Bucky had a splatter of someone else’s blood on his face and a look in his eyes like he wasn’t quite there. 

 

“Oh _God_ ,” Steve groaned, raising a shaky hand to his eyes. His shoulders trembled and he let out a sob, the sound of which grabbed Bucky’s attention and turned his blank expression horrified. 

 

“What happened?” Wanda asked before Bruce could. Steve simply kept crying and Sam looked at her in despair, and Bucky finally walked off and blew past her, like he couldn’t get away from everyone fast enough. 

 

“Sam, what the hell happened?” Bruce asked, but Sam simply shook his head like now wasn’t the time and knelt down to tend to Steve. 

 

Wanda shared a look with Bruce and then took off after Bucky. He was fairly easy to track down, his thoughts even louder than usual and simple for her to track like an emotional GPS. She stopped herself from reading him, however, wanting to find out what happened from Bucky himself and not without his permission. 

 

She found him sitting with his back to a tree, his head in his hands. She made her footsteps heavy on purpose, not wanting to startle him, and she wasn’t surprised when he greeted her with a dry, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

 

“You don’t have to,” she said, settling down next to him. “You can let me see instead, if you want.”

 

He lifted his head and shook it, wiping at his nose. “I hate how it feels having anyone in my head.”

 

“So tell me,” she urged him gently. 

 

Bucky let out a shaky breath and winced, thousand-yard stare in full effect. “We fucked it all up. Plan went sideways about halfway in. Facility was more guarded than we’d realized. They had Sam pinned down and it was just me and Steve against... the other me and his handlers. But it was their turf and we just... it was all bad luck.”

 

“But you all came back in one piece,” she noted.

 

“Yeah,” Bucky swallowed. “Because I killed myself.”He dragged his flesh hand down his face and shook his head. “I didn’t know what else to do, I panicked. He had Steve in a chokehold and was about to break his neck. So I shot him in the head and he just... dropped like a ragdoll.”

 

“Bucky,” Wanda muttered in mutual horror, her eyes a little wide. 

 

“Steve looked at me and realized what I’d done, and then he looked down at him - at  _me_ \- and he just... fell apart. Made this sound I’ve never heard from him before and cried over his dead body while I just stood there watching like an idiot.”

 

“... You didn’t have a choice. If he was really about to kill Steve -“

 

“Yeah, but Wanda,” Bucky muttered miserably, “I killed  _his_   Bucky. And I can’t take it back now, I can’t change it. I permanently fucked up that reality and I permanently fucked up Steve and I just...  _fuck_ . This is all my fault. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t just...”

 

“It doesn’t matter now,” Wanda replied, reaching out and placing her hand on his arm reassuringly. “What you did, what he did - you can’t change it. And you did the right thing. You saved him.”

 

“Yeah and fucked up his entire life to do it,” Bucky groaned, wiping at his eyes. “He’s gonna hate me now.”

 

“I doubt that.”

 

Bucky shrugged. “ _I'd_ hate  me.”

 

“ Well, you don’t love yourself like he loves you,” she pointed out. When Bucky had no answer for that, she murmured sincerely, “I’m sorry. I wish I knew a way to fix all of this.”

 

“You and me both,” Bucky muttered. “Guess in any timeline I’m just a fuckup who makes everything worse.”

 

Wanda sighed, knowing that words would do no good for him right now. Instead she took his hand in hers to let him know that he wasn’t alone and that he still had her. She knew that she wasn’t enough and that her presence wasn’t the one that he craved, but if she could help at all... she would. 

 

After all, she had helped him create this mess. The least she could do was be his friend while he dealt with the fallout. 

 

—

 

Bucky had no shame or hesitation in holing himself up in his room for the rest of the day, hiding from Steve and hiding from his problems. He knew he wouldn’t get away with it forever but for the time being, he needed to be alone and needed to process what the hell he’d just experienced. 

 

He spent the better part of the day curled up in a ball in a corner near a full length window on the floor, staring aimlessly outside and wondering what he’d do now that his Steve was gone and this other Steve surely hated him. He cried some more and berated himself mentally until he simply lacked the energy to do anything but fall asleep like that, slumped against the wall as his restless mind tried to reset and find a bit of rest. 

 

He woke up sore and confused and no better than he’d been before, however, though he did manage to finally find the will to get up and take a much needed shower. He fought the urge to simply throw himself in bed instead with every step he took towards the bathroom, but by the time that he was under the warm spray of the water at last and finally washing away the blood of his deceased other self, he was wondering why he hadn’t gotten in sooner. 

 

He stayed inside the shower until the water ran cold - quite a feat in Avengers Tower - and when he stepped out, he threw a towel around his waist and ran a comb through his tangled wet hair. He didn’t bother with anything else, small burst of energy already depleted, and his mind was back on getting in bed to mope more by the time that he stepped back into the bedroom. 

 

Then he stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Steve sitting on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees and eyes cast down to the floor. 

 

_Fuck_ . 

 

Steve didn’t look up as Bucky shut the bathroom door behind him, walking to a small dresser on the other side of the room. He grabbed a pair of thin black sweatpants from a drawer and glanced back at Steve, finding his eyes still averted. He dropped the towel and stepped into the pants, sighing and wondering what the hell there was to even say at this point. 

 

In the end he went with the simple answer, sitting down next to Steve on the foot on the bed and muttering with a cracked, rough voice, “I’m sorry.”

 

Steve licked his lips, brows furrowed and gaze staying near his feet. “You remember that time in ‘39, in January when the winter got bad and I got sick and our apartment was freezing because the building had no heat?”

 

Bucky blinked a few times. “Yeah.”

 

“My asthma got bad,” Steve recalled quietly. “Worst it had ever been. Treatments weren’t working. I had an attack one night and I thought I was really gonna die that time. You said my lips turned blue.”

 

Bucky did remember that, with a vividness that made the memory all the more difficult to stomach. 

 

“But my panicking was making it worse, so you pulled me in bed and held me and told me to breathe with you. I could hear how scared you were and it scared me even more but you told me to keep breathing with you ‘cause if I stopped, then so would you.”

 

A bit dramatic of his younger self, maybe, but it had worked, Bucky mused. 

 

“Then during the war I watched you fall,” Steve went on, jaw clenching tight. “And I hung on to that train just... hoping for another blast to throw me off too. ‘ _You stop breathing I stop breathing, pal_ _.’_ But nothing happened. Dum Dum pulled me back in, and... that was it.”

 

“Steve...”

 

Steve finally raised his eyes to look at Bucky, teary and almost...  lost looking. “Then when I crashed the Valkyrie, all I could think after I hit the ice was if this was how it felt for you. If you were as scared as I was and if it’d been as cold as the ice was. But it was okay, I thought, because I was doing the right thing and saving millions of people’s lives, and I was finally gonna get to see you again.” Steve paused, a tear falling down his cheek. “But then I woke up and you weren’t there. Nobody was.”

 

“I know,” Bucky whispered. “I’m sorry.”

 

“And now I find out... all of this,” Steve waved a hand at the room. “You’re alive but you’re not  _my_   Bucky, and I think for once, maybe I’m gonna finally get to have one good thing to myself, maybe I can go save you in my time and things won’t be so bad anymore.”

 

Guilt increasing exponentially by the second until he could physically no longer bear it, Bucky let a few of his own tears fall and blurted, “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I made everything worse, I’m sorry I fucked up your life and your timeline. I’m sorry I missed you so  goddamn _fucking_  much  that I brought you here in the first place.”

 

“Why did you?” Steve asked desperately, tone more bewildered than angry. “You won’t even tell me why I left in the first place.”

 

Bucky let out a humorless laugh. “You had a fucking time machine and could go anywhere you wanted, Steve. Do the math.” When Steve only stared in confusion, Bucky muttered, “It doesn’t matter, okay? This was all a mistake from the start and I’m sorry. You’re better off without me, as always.”

 

Then Bucky stood up, crossing his arms over his chest and feeling suddenly uncomfortably exposed, and it had nothing to do with being shirtless. Steve stood up behind him, far from ready to let this go. “Bucky,  _nothing_ is  ever better without you.”

 

Bucky turned around and smiled bitterly. “Yeah, you think that now, right? You don’t in the future and I really can’t blame you. Look at me,” he gestured to his left arm, to the scarring where flesh met metal. “I’m a fucking mess. You wanna know how many innocent people I’ve killed? I killed Howard, Steve.” He watched Steve’s face pale and felt a sick satisfaction in it. “Crashed his car and beat him to death and then choked his wife.”

 

Steve was aghast. “Buck -“

 

“And yeah, I know it wasn’t me,” Bucky went on, still crying, “except it was and I’ve gotta live with it. And I was doing okay for awhile. I got help in Wakanda and I was - I was doing good. You came and visited all the time and it was great, I was happy. Closest I can get to happy, anyway. I thought, well, as long as I’ve got you around, maybe the future isn’t so bad, you know?”

 

“Bucky, would you just -“

 

“But then fuckin’ Thanos happened and five years for you was like three days for me,” Bucky continued, voice raising as he went. “I come back from the dead for the third fucking time and you just - you were different. And no shit, right? God knows I’d be fucked up too. But I thought, no matter what, that you and me wouldn’t change. The end of the line, right? You remember that? _I’m with you to the end of the line._ Remember when we told each other yet?”

 

“Of course I do,” Steve replied, eyes a little wide at the anger rolling off of Bucky in waves. 

 

“Yeah, well you didn’t fuckin’ mean it because guess what, Steve - you left me. You left me to go back to the fuckin’ ‘40s with Carter and get your nice little happy ever after.”

 

Bucky hated himself for the hurt on Steve’s face, the palpable confusion as he tried to wrap his mind around what he was being told. “I... Peggy?”

 

“Yeah,” Bucky muttered. “Peggy. That’s why I didn’t wanna tell you, because I know you’ll wanna do the same goddamn thing.”

 

“Buck, no -“

 

“You know it’s true,” Bucky half-shouted back. “It’ll _always_ be  her. You’ll _always_ choose  her over me because you love her and it doesn’t fucking matter what happens, you’re never gonna love me like I love you.”

 

His words hanging heavily in the air between them, shocking all the oxygen out of the room and leaving Bucky in shock that he’d actually physically said them, both men fell utterly quiet and stared at each other in silence. Bucky hated himself for his confession, for yelling at Steve like a selfish jerk when  this  Steve hadn’t done anything wrong and in fact was only suffering due to Bucky’s own poor choices. 

 

Self-hatred rising up in him like bile, Bucky grimaced and turned away. He grabbed a shirt out of his dresser and began marching out the door, stopping only to grab his boots. Then he was all but running to the elevator and punching the  door close  button, his destination the underground garage where he planned to find a bike, any bike, and take off driving until he couldn’t feel a damn thing anymore. 

 

Steve didn’t try to chase him. Bucky wasn’t surprised. 

 

—

 

Sam:  _when are you gonna stop sulking and come home_

 

Bucky:  _technically I’m homeless_

 

Sam: * eyeroll emoji *

 

Sam:  _an answer would be nice_

 

Bucky:  _I bet it would_

 

Sam:  _have I told you lately how much of a pain in the ass you are_

 

Sam:  _because my god sometimes you make Steve look like a walk in the park_

 

Bucky left Sam’s last text unanswered, his phone sitting ignored on the small nightstand next to the uncomfortable motel bed he was sprawled out on. His latest stellar decision had been to drive down to Jersey and crash at the first motel he’d seen, and he’d been there a full two days and had no intention of leaving. Ignoring his problems had never made them go away before but he figured now was as good a time as any to try. 

 

And he just couldn’t face Steve. Not now, not like this. Not after confessing his feelings to him like an absolute moron, right after they’d endured a traumatic experience together and Bucky had forever screwed up Steve’s reality. 

 

So until he figured out what the hell to do with himself, Bucky ate cheap fast food and candy bars from vending machines, washing it down with whiskey that did nothing to numb him but still felt good burning down his throat. He watched whatever trash was on TV and played stupid games on his phone, and when he heard a woman screaming in the room next door, he made himself useful and gave the man responsible the beating of a lifetime. 

 

Self pity and vigilante justice rarely went hand in hand but Bucky had to make do with what he had. It could be worse, he figured as he flipped from channel to channel, eating a bear claw and thanking whatever God existed that at least Steve hadn’t tried to call him or worse, find him and confront him. 

 

And then, like clockwork, a sudden banging on the motel door made Bucky nearly jump out of his skin. 

 

“Bucky? I know you’re in there, Sam traced your location.”

 

Bucky groaned and sunk deeper into the bed. He took a massive bite of the bear claw and said nothing, wondering if Steve would leave him alone if his physically became one with the bed. 

 

“C’mon, Buck. I’m tryin’a fly under the radar here - kicking the door down wouldn’t really help that.”

 

“Go away,” Bucky yelled with his mouth full. 

 

“We both know that’s not gonna happen.”

 

Bucky groaned and slapped his metal hand around on the bed in search of the remote, turning off the tv when he found it. Then he dragged himself out of bed and brushed the crumbs off of his shirt, grumbling as he made his way to the door and flung it open. He wasn’t quite ready for what was waiting on the other side. 

 

Steve was dressed in all black - not a common look for him - in tight jeans and a leather jacket, both of which Bucky recognized as belonging to him. He stared a bit stupidly for a few seconds, failing miserably at his efforts to be subtle but thankfully Steve had the grace to pretend he hadn’t noticed. 

 

“Can I come in, Buck?”

 

Bucky didn’t reply, standing aside and opening the door fully instead. He suddenly felt incredibly underwhelming, in a gray t shirt that had seen better days and the same black sweats he’d worn when he left two days ago. (He’d given them a wash though, at least.)

 

After closing the door, Bucky tried his best to steel himself and turned around. Steve was eyeing the mess of wrappers and paper bags and empty cups when Bucky muttered, “You didn’t have to come here.”

 

Steve’s gaze shifted to him. He slipped his hands into his pockets and shrugged, “Yeah, you’re obviously doing great on your own.”

 

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “You didn’t exactly give me a few minute’s notice to clean up, did you?”

 

“You didn’t really warn me either when you kidnapped me at knifepoint and brought me to the future, so...” Steve’s lips quirked up in a tiny smile, and Bucky sighed. 

 

“I’m sorry about the other day,” Bucky said tiredly. “About what happened and what I said.”

 

Steve was quiet for a moment. “Did you mean it?”

 

Bucky’s heart flip-flopped in his chest. “Mean what?”

 

“You _know_ what .”

 

Bucky looked away, eye contact more than he could handle at the moment. “I wish I didn’t.”

 

Then he started cleaning up, grabbing the empty food bags and cups sitting around and chucking them into the trash while Steve watched. “If that was all you wanted to know,” he muttered as he moved through the room as if cleaning was suddenly the most important task on earth, “you can go now. Should probably go home too before your timeline or reality or whatever gets all fu-“

 

Steve seized Bucky’s metal hand unexpectedly from behind, and Bucky froze as he straightened up and looked back at Steve. Steve, expression unreadable, gave his hand a tug and led him towards the bed. 

 

He sat them both down side by side on the edge of the bed, just as they had been before their fight at the tower. Steve didn’t let go of Bucky’s hand when they sat, instead staring at the fine details of his vibranium palm as he spoke. 

 

Bucky’s heart was  hammering in his chest. 

 

“So,” Steve began. “Peggy.”

 

Bucky wished that the mere mention of her name didn’t make his entire soul ache, but it did. “Yeah.”

 

Steve nodded. “I know how much that must have hurt.” He raised his eyes to Bucky’s. “Wanna know how I know?” When Bucky didn’t answer, Steve added, “Because I grew up watching you date half the female population in Brooklyn. I sat at home drawing or reading waiting for you to come back with lipstick on your collar and some new scandalous story I’d have to pretend didn’t make me feel sick to hear.”

 

Bucky blinked. “Wh-“

 

“Just,” Steve held up his free hand briefly, “Let me get this out. Please.” He drew a deep, calming breath. “The double dates were worse. Having to sit there and watch you dance and flirt with some woman while her friend could barely even look at me... I always knew those dates would never work out for me but I went along with them for you. Because being there with you was better than being stuck at home alone, even if watching you hurt more.”

 

If Bucky’s heart had been pounding before, it was threatening to leave his body altogether like a helicopter at this point. 

 

“There were certain times when I’d think maybe... maybe it wasn’t just me. Maybe there was something on your end, too. But every time I tried to say something the words just... got stuck and wouldn’t come out. And you’d go off and find another lady and I’d feel like an idiot for ever thinking any different.”

 

Bucky’s jaw might as well have been laying on the floor. “Steve,  fuck -“

 

“ Then Peggy came along,” Steve smiled softly. “And I thought maybe she was the answer. I really did fall in love with her, and since I knew I couldn’t have you the way I wanted...” Steve shook his head and his smile turned sad. “Then fate took you both from me.”

 

Bucky swallowed drily and felt like he might actually faint. “I never - am I - are you serious? Am I hallucinating?”

 

“Nah, Buck,” Steve murmured. “I’ve loved you my whole life. And I don’t know why he - why  _I_ \- made the decision to leave you and go back to her, but I’m willing to bet it’s because I’m a dumbass who never realized you felt the same way.”

 

“Steve,” Bucky said breathlessly, “I swear to God if you’re just saying all of this to make me feel better or something -“

 

“I’m not,” Steve assured him, reaching out to touch his hair and tuck it behind his ear.“S’all true, I promise.” He stared at Bucky like he was single most precious thing on earth, blue eyes flitting over his features as he traced his bearded jawline with his thumb. “God I’ve loved you forever. You have no idea.”

 

Bucky huffed an exhilarated laugh. “I think I do.”

 

Steve laughed too, a gentle little breathless sound. “I’m sorry, Buck.”

 

“It’s okay,  God , just shut up and kiss me.”

 

Steve couldn’t argue with that. They both smiled as they leaned in for their first kiss, the kiss itself a little awkward as a result but then they were relaxing and  really kissing and it was beyond anything that Bucky had ever imagined. Those lips that he’d dreamed of kissing for as long as he could remember were softer than he’d imagined, sweeter than he knew was even possible, and the fact that it was real and Steve was real and he was really doing this, wanted to do it, wanted  Bucky ... God, how could he ever go back to real life after this? 

 

They kissed until they were breathless, leaning their foreheads together after they broke apart, neither willing to let the other go anytime soon. Bucky ran his flesh hand up Steve’s shoulder and into his hair, in beautiful disbelief that he was able to touch him like this. 

 

After a few long, serene moments, Steve sighed and stole a few more soft, sweet kisses. “We should get you back home.”

 

The word _home_ reminded  Bucky of just how  complicated their situation was. “Yeah. You’re gonna have to go back home one of these days, too.”

 

Steve shook his head, smiling up at Bucky with the kind of love and adoration that Bucky was pretty sure usually only existed in novels and love songs. “You’re my home, Buck.”

 

Bucky smiled in a way that he hadn’t since before the war, and possibly ever in his life. His heart felt so full that he was sure that it might burst, like he was really and truly  alive and like finally, for once, something had gone right. 

 

Maybe, in some strange twist of fate and his bad decisions and a rare stroke of mercy from the universe... it really had. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much as usual for the amazing feedback and kudos!! I love you all and thank you to MorningGlory2 for all your invaluable help and support!!

_ So when you say that you need me _

_ That you'll never leave me _

_ I know you're wrong, you're not that strong _

_ Let me go _

 

“So,” Sam said, activating the holographic monitor at the center of the table, “on the bright side... at least this time we’re taking down Hydra without having to worry about the giant murder ships.”

 

“It still won’t be easy,” Wanda noted, watching information from the 2014 fall of SHIELD fill the display. 

 

“No it won’t,” Sam agreed. “But at least this time we’ll have more help.”

 

“Anything for Captain America,” Scott Lang piped up happily, holding up an eager hand. When Steve glanced at him curiously he quickly added, “Even you, other-Captain America. Not that you’re actually any different from the real you - I mean, _our_ you . You’re both real, obviously.”

 

Steve quirked a smile while Bucky rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Mr. Lang.”

 

“Just Scott,” Scott waved him off. “You don’t know it yet but we’re great friends.”

 

Sam side-eyed Scott. “Are you though?”

 

“We’re... yeah,” Scott shrugged. “I consider us... pals. Why? Does he not? Please don’t tell me he secretly hates me. It’d really tank my self esteem for awhile.”

 

“He likes you fine,” Bucky sighed. “Can we focus?”

 

Scott nodded. “Right. Nazis in the government. What’s the plan?”

 

“Well, thanks to the 2014 SHIELD leak,” Sam said, throwing up some more info into the display, “we’ve got a massive upper hand this time around. We know where their secret bunkers are, who their agents are, and we know their plans before they do.”

 

“And we’re sure that all of this information is going to be exactly the same in my timeline?” Steve asked. 

 

“By all accounts, yes,” Bruce said, entering the room with two comparatively tiny carrier trays of smoothies in his massive hands. He set them down and everyone grabbed the one they’d requested, their names written on the sides of the cups. “The only thing that’s different now is... their Asset is gone.”

 

Bucky looked away, still hating himself for what he’d done. Wanda set his smoothie down in front of him and nudged it closer until he finally relented from his sulking and grabbed it. 

 

“But thanks to my other self,” Steve pointed out, “they think I’m secretly Hydra, so that gives us another upper hand.”

 

“Wouldn’t they now know you’re not Hydra since you tried to break Bucky out?” Wanda asked with a tilt of her head. 

 

“No, we used photostatic disguises for that reason,” Sam explained. “They had no idea who we were.”

 

“We need someone high up at SHIELD, someone who can leak their files while we neutralize the threats,” Steve noted, staring at the display. 

 

“Yeah,” Sam replied softly. “We got someone already. Natasha.”

 

“Romanoff?” Steve repeated. “You’re sure we can trust her?”

 

Sam looked down, taking a minute to gather himself. “Steve, we can trust her with anything. She’s the reason we have these files in the first place.”

 

“And she’s the reason any of us are alive today,” Wanda added heavily. 

 

Bruce nodded, his eyes watery as he looked at Steve. “She was the best of us. You have to protect her at all costs during this mission.”

 

“Okay,” Steve agreed, not questioning them in the least. “I will.”

 

Bucky sipped slowly at his smoothie - something green and fruity, with a truckload of added protein - and listened as the group continued to chat and flesh out their plan. He tried to listen and be present and helpful in some way, but the truth was that he could hardly focus on anything but the man standing next to him. 

 

They’d come straight here from the motel, and Steve had wasted no time in assembling the others to brainstorm how best to take down Hydra. Bucky understood, of course - fate of the world at stake and all of that - but his head was still spinning from the kisses that they’d shared and how the fuck was he supposed to focus anyway when Steve was right there in those tight black jeans and even tighter black t-shirt, every sex dream Bucky’d ever had personified?

 

It felt like a dream. They’d _really_ kissed  like that, and Steve... God, Steve had called Bucky his  home .It was everything that Bucky had ever wanted and more, but despite how full and warm his heart felt... a substantial part of him was afraid to believe it. 

 

He bit his lip, no longer pretending to listen to anything happening around him. Nothing was ever this simple, he knew. Nothing so good ever came so easily. Surely the other shoe would drop any minute now, in any number of ways. Maybe Steve would realize that a life with Peggy would be better. Maybe he’d get to know  _this_   Bucky more and realize that he wasn’t the one he’d known before, that he was too damaged and too unstable to love. 

 

Maybe, in the end, this would turn out the same as it had before - Bucky alone and Steve gone, happy and spending his life with someone better and more deserving than Bucky would ever be. Maybe that was how it would always end for them in any timeline or reality. Maybe he was just -

 

“You okay, Buck?”

 

Bucky’s eyes snapped up to find the room now deserted save for himself and a concerned-looking Steve. How long had he been sitting there completely zoned out? 

 

“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine, sorry,” Bucky quickly assured him, straightening up in his seat. 

 

Steve obviously didn’t believe him, and Bucky didn’t expect him to. Still, he nodded and didn’t press. “Okay. You hungry?”

 

“Not really,” Bucky shrugged, letting his eyes drag across Steve’s broad chest and shoulders, barely contained by the tight fabric stretched over them. 

 

“Me either,” Steve replied. Then he seemed to think for a moment. “Your room?”

 

Bucky’s stomach started performing Olympic-worthy gymnastics. “Fuck yeah.”

 

Steve tried to hide a coy little grin and extended a hand to Bucky. Bucky took it and let Steve pull him to his feet, and their hands stayed entwined all the way through the fairly lengthy elevator ride upstairs. Bucky’s heart was racing, the idea of having Steve all to himself in his room following their mutual confessions was...  _oh man_ _._ He suddenly couldn’t remember how to breathe. 

 

After they arrived at Bucky’s room and stepped off the elevator, Bucky barely got his door shut before Steve had him pressed up against it, hands on his hips and lips a breath away from his own. 

 

“You have any idea how fuckin’ distracting you are, Buck?”

 

Bucky stared up at Steve, stunned by those words. “What?”

 

“This hair,” Steve murmured, running his fingers through it, eyes dropping to Bucky’s lips. “This beard... God, you’re like every fantasy I’ve ever had come to life.”

 

Bucky was speechless, able to only stare in awe as Steve felt him up and beheld him like he was the single greatest thing in all of creation. It was overwhelming, making every nerve in Bucky’s body sing like Steve’s words and gaze were a physical caress. 

 

“You’ve always been the best thing I’ve ever seen,” Steve said softly, hands gently cupping Bucky’s face. “But  _fuck_ . You’re perfect.”

 

Blushing in a way that he  never had for anyone else, Bucky tried to duck away and mutter, “Steve, I’m nothin’ special. Nothin’ like you.”

 

Steve shook his head, smiling softly as he traced Bucky’s cheekbones. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”

 

Then he leaned in for a kiss, and Bucky could have kicked his own ass for it but he stopped him with a metal palm to his chest. “Wait, wait.”

 

Steve froze immediately. “What’s wrong?”

 

Bucky hesitated, looking up into Steve’s eyes. “I’m not the same guy you knew, Steve. You know that, right? I told you what I’ve done, what I became. Whatever you wanted before, whoever I was... I’m not... I’m not him anymore.”

 

“Shh,” Steve hushed him gently, tucking his hair behind his ear. “Look, I’m not the same guy, either. We’ve both been through a lot. You more than I can even imagine. But you’re still  you , Buck. I can see it in your eyes.”

 

“I don’t know, Steve...”

 

“I know you better than anyone,” Steve reminded him. “And I still see you. Yeah, you’re different. So am I. But it’s okay.” He smiled brightly, so full of emotion that Bucky’s heart ached. “ I got you back, Bucky . I don’t think anything could make me happier.”

 

Bucky could think of one thing that would, one thing that he refused to give voice to even though it was there ever-present in the back of his mind. He didn’t push Steve away when he leaned in this time, instead welcoming him and pulling him closer for a kiss that was starved and feverish from the very start. 

 

Before, in the old days, he had tried his very best to not imagine what this would be like. Kissing Steve, touching Steve, not having to hide how he felt and letting himself do what he craved, it was as frightening as it was tantalizing to consider. Then there’d been the shame, the confusion, the wondering if he would be locked out of heaven for feeling these things for his best friend, but that had long since been eclipsed by the shame he felt for his true sins. He wasn’t quite sure if there even was a heaven anymore, but if there was... maybe it was  this . 

 

They kissed like they’d been waiting eternity to do it, grabbing and pulling at each other and lips devouring hungrily, the spark between them an open flame as Steve pulled him away from the wall. Bucky had no sense of time or his surroundings until he found himself suddenly pushed down on the bed, looking up to find Steve looking absolutely ravenous as he climbed on next and laid Bucky down as he went. 

 

Being underneath Steve Rogers like this, in bed and sprawled under his weight with their tongues twisting and turning together, was nothing short of a religious experience. Bucky knew right then, at his first real taste of Steve, that he was ruined for anyone else. No man or woman could ever match this, could ever make him feel the way Steve could by simply looking at him, touching him, kissing him without an abundance of finesse but enough passion to make up for it tenfold. 

 

Steve broke away panting, cheeks flushed as hell and messy blonde hair falling into his eyes, staring down at Bucky in a way that made his body all but sing. Then he smiled, soft and sweet, and Bucky couldn’t help but smile back. 

 

“I can’t believe I’m really kissing you,” Steve marveled, bringing a hand to Bucky’s cheek. “Can’t believe you’re real.”

 

Bucky leaned into the touch and kissed the tip of Steve’s thumb, hardly able to believe it himself. Steve’s smile grew and then he was leaning back down and kissing him again, rocking his hips down against Bucky’s and pulling a low groan from his throat. The indirect contact wasn’t much but it was more than enough for Bucky, who hadn’t been touched like _that_ in  longer than he could even remember. H e  rocked up to meet each increasingly deliberate roll of Steve’s hips, both men breathing hard into each other’s mouths between heated kisses. 

 

Then Steve’s mouth moved to Bucky’s ear, kissing beneath it and murmuring words that Bucky would later wish he hadn’t said. 

 

“You feel so good,” he groaned, the friction between them utterly delicious. “ Fuck , I might never stop kissing you...”

 

First, Bucky laughed breathlessly. But then his eyes fluttered open, his inner doubt and  hurt clawing it’s way to the surface at the most inopportune time. Steve would surely stop kissing him, that terrible little voice at the back of his mind said, once he realizes he can have something better. _Someone_ that  will always be better. 

 

_Fuck_ . 

 

“ Steve,” Bucky murmured, gently pushing Steve away. “Stop.”

 

Steve froze in an instant, looking down at Bucky with sudden concern in his eyes. “What’s wrong? You okay? Did I -“

 

Bucky shook his head, nudging Steve away until he rolled off of him completely. Then he sat up, suddenly feeling like he couldn’t quite catch his breath, tears stinging the back of his eyes as he dropped his head into his hands. 

 

Steve, naturally, could only assume that he’d done or said something horribly wrong. He sat back and watched silently for a moment or two until he couldn’t take it anymore, reaching out a careful hand to Bucky’s upper right arm. “Buck... talk to me.”

 

Bucky lifted his head, eyes watery and just...  tired . “I'm not  ready for this. I can’t, Steve, it’s just...”

 

“That’s okay,” Steve assured him quickly, moving until he was sitting at Bucky’s side. “It’s - I get it, I do. I moved too fast, I’m sorry. I should have-“

 

Bucky shook his head. “It’s not your fault, Steve.” He paused. “It’s... the other Steve’s fault.”

 

Steve’s face fell a little. “Oh.”

 

“I know that’s not really fair to you, but... it’s just, you’re sitting here telling me everything I’ve ever wanted to hear but it was only, what, a couple fuckin’ weeks ago that _he_ left  me and God it hurts. It really hurts, Steve. And all I keep thinking is yeah, this is great, this is everything I’ve ever wanted, but it’s not gonna last because one day you’ll wake up and you’ll leave me t-“

 

“Hey,” Steve said softly, reaching out and taking Bucky’s chin between his fingers, forcing Bucky to look up at him with his shiny eyes. “Listen to me. I’m not going anywhere. And I know you don’t believe me - you have every reason not to. I know I’m gonna have to earn your trust, but I have every intention to and I’ll do whatever it takes. I promise you that.”

 

Bucky let out a shaky sigh. “I wanna believe you, Steve. I really do.”

 

“I know. And I’m sorry that I hurt you,” Steve murmured softly, wiping a stray tear from Bucky’s cheek with his thumb. “I’d kick my own ass again if I could.” That made Bucky laugh, and Steve could only smile and lean in to kiss his cheek. “But for now... no rushing. I won’t push you. It’s the last thing I wanna do.”

 

Bucky nodded. “I know. Trust me, I was enjoying myself until my stupid head started ruining everything.”

 

Steve shook his head. “Not stupid. Smart. This is a... weird and complicated situation. Moving too fast isn’t gonna help anything.”

 

Bucky nodded, grateful for Steve’s understanding but still feeling like a fool for so many, many reasons. “Sorry I’m such a mess.”

 

Steve chuckled. “Have you taken a look at me lately? We’re in the same boat there, pal.”

 

Bucky took a deep breath and leaned over, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder. “Guess we’ll just have to figure it out, then.”

 

Steve leaned his head against the top of Bucky’s. “We always do.”

 

They were silent for a few moments, just soaking up the easy, effortless intimacy between them for what it was. They both knew there was a lot to overcome and neither of them really knew what the hell they were doing or how all of this would turn out, but nothing ever felt insurmountable when they were together. As long as they had each other, well... nothing could really be so bad, could it?

 

“I should go,” Steve eventually said, stifling a yawn. “Let you get some sleep.”

 

Bucky made a noise of displeasure and shook his head against Steve’s shoulder. “I might not be ready to let you fuck me yet but that doesn’t mean I want you to go.”

 

“... Okay,” Steve grinned. “Then c’mon. Let’s go to bed.”

 

It wasn’t quite the end to the night that Bucky had envisioned when they’d taken the elevator hand in hand earlier, but once they’d changed and cleaned up and settled underneath the covers and Bucky was safe and nestled in Steve’s arms... it felt more right than words could say. 

 

“I gotta say,” Steve murmured next to Bucky’s ear, his breath tickling the sensitive skin, “I kinda miss being the little spoon.”

 

“We’ll take turns,” Bucky grinned, eyes closed. 

 

Steve’s nose rubbed sweetly at the back of his neck before his lips sealed over it in a sweet kiss. “Deal.”

 

“You’ll still be here when I wake up, right?” Bucky asked, eyes briefly opening as he wished that he wasn’t so afraid and didn’t feel the need to ask. 

 

“Course, Buck,” Steve replied, tone earnest and genuine. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere. And I meant it.”

 

Bucky nodded softly and let his eyes fall shut again, letting the tempting pull of sleep drag him under. He slept like a baby in Steve’s arms despite his inner turmoil, and it didn’t surprise him in the least. Steve would always be his safest place in the world to be, for better or worse. 

 

He just hoped the _worse_ part  was finally over with. 


End file.
